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| I'm leaving on a jet plane...don't know when I'll be back again |
| 03.22.04 (2:09 pm) [edit] |
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Corrie and I had a one of those sister bonding moments last night. I was talking to her about Sean and my doubts and fears about the near future. She was that awesome listener I've always run to when things get complicated. She let me say everything on my miiind and she heard it all and even the things I didn't say. She's my lifeline. She makes everything at home more approachable. Either with the parents or just the reality of what home sometimes means, she's what makes it liveable. She leaves for Florida tomorrow morning. She's not going to be able to come home for Prom, only Graduation. It's just not going to be the same without her, it won't be as much fun or as memorable. Things always seem more special when Corrie's in town, every moment is a Kodac moment and every day is a priceless memory. I hope I can capture the conclusion of my senior year on film to show her in the fall. Its funny how you don't miss someone until right before they leave. I hate that, that's something I've always hated about life. How time seems to get away from us and before you know it you've missed something important to you, that kills me. She's a best friend I know won't be replaced by anyone or anything. I hope she has fun and meets lots of new people, she's always been the outgoing one anyways. I know she's gojng to be happy and it's a great opportunity, but I can't help but the days until she's back. There's something that happens to your relatuonship with your sister when you both get older. She appreciate the things you always overlooked as a child and the girl that used to bug you about the little things and the one you used to beg to play a game become one of the most important people in your life. You begin to value their opinion and advice more than anyone else because you know they know you better than you know yourself. I'm really going to miss her. She better not change, she's perfect now.
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| I'm leaving and there's no looking back |
| 03.20.04 (7:31 am) [edit] |
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College is approaching very quickly and I'm getting excited. I can't wait to leave this place and everything it represents to me. I guess that's the curse of living in the same place through most of your childhood, by the time it's over you have so much history that it starts to repeat itself. All you want to do is leave and go somewhere new, just to know that you don't have to deal with your past forever. I can't wait to wave goodbye and take one last look as I turn and walk away, and the best part is when I walk away I'm walking away from that chpter of my life and everything it held forever. And that is a feeling I can't wait to experience.
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| he said hi, you said bye...not quite the situation |
| 03.20.04 (7:24 am) [edit] |
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I hate how it seems like he never goes away. He's everywhere and that's something that's always made me uncomfortable. He pops up when you least expect it, right as your starting to put your guard down and it makes you mad that you weren't prepared. We had a long talk when I started to suspect something and she told me she wouldn't hide anything, that she understood the situation and how sensitive and plain out unfair it was. We talked in detail, remember? He's your Kyle. Why would you want another one of those guys, and even worse why would you want me to rub Kyle in your face? That's right, you wouldn't, and lucky for you, I wouldn't either.
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| keep trucking |
| 03.17.04 (8:34 pm) [edit] |
I feel good when I know your coming down
I feel good when I know you'll be around
so quit your life and stay with me
Abram called me today, That's something I didn't expect to ever happen again. I was sure that breakfast that day was awkward enough to end that, but apparently not. He kept asking me why I didn't date anyone. I didn't have the guts to tell him about Sean, it seemed like it would of almost hurt his feelings if he knew. I wonder if it means something that I'm cautious about publising our relationship...?
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The weather has been beautiful the past few days making my mornings all the better. With LEAP this week and spring testing next week I"m hoping school doesn't seem too long.
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Kelli took Sean to get his tux yesterday, She also had him place the order for the corsage. She took care of me and gave Sean all the hints that he only picks up on because he thinks Kelli doesn't realize that she's telling him my favorite flower or what would make me melt. Whatever makes him happy.
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| trips where you end where you start, but you're never the same |
| 03.17.04 (3:26 pm) [edit] |
3-15-2004
Tonight was a kellibeth walk, apparently we were way overdue; I didn’t realize how much we had on our minds and the huge variety of problems weighing us down. It was everything from prom to Baton Rouge, Sean to Adam. We took the walk as a reason to waste time, but I didn’t realize how much I had on my mind. We took the first step and didn’t stop for three laps. We discussed our excitement and fear of the future and whether of not we thought we were ready for everything. I love kellibeth walks. Something about the leisurely walk around that exact mile makes every problem seem approachable.
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| who decides perfection? |
| 03.17.04 (3:25 pm) [edit] |
3/15/2004
Will you go after me? Will you go after I set you free? Cause I know you from a page in my book, thought I should
I still recall the words you said to me; it’s what you did not say that set me free
She asked me what I considered perfect. I told her it was the girl that was beautiful on both the inside and outside. The girl next door with the beautiful smile and amazing eyes that no one ever really notices. The girl that doesn’t say much, but when you get to know her you you realize how many dreams she has. She’s the girl with the amazing body and complex mind. The one that can impress a guy in one look or one conversation. She’s the girl that few notice, but those that notice her never forget her. She’s sweet, caring, intellectual, friendly, understanding, down to earth, and the best part is that she doesn’t know it. She may be perfect, but doesn’t carry herself above others. Kelli looked at me and said “you may not believe it, but Sean and I both know, you’re that girl and that’s why he loves you”
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| the best worst case senario |
| 03.17.04 (3:24 pm) [edit] |
3/11/2004
Kelli and I had a long talk the other night about guys, their minds, how they surprise us and what we plan to do about it.
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| as our lives change, come whatever; we will still be friends forever |
| 03.17.04 (3:23 pm) [edit] |
3/9/204
I’m scared. School is speeding up and things are getting hectic. I’m worried about the future and what tomorrow brings. Who knows what the future holds and how I’ll handle it. Exams are next week, hopefully the last exams I’ll take in high school. Once exams are over everything starts to happen really fast. First it’s LEAP then spring testing for LSU, then MAO state convention and then Prom. By then it’s already April, and classes are almost over. We have a week for spring break and then 5 days for senior trip. That leaves one-week left of school until senior exams, which hopefully I’m be exempt from. A few Graduation practices in the lovely FHS gym and one at SLU then it’s off on Saturday, May 22 to SLU for the real thing. At 2:30 the ceremony starts and when it ends at approximately 4:30 (after all there are 400 students in my senior class) I’ll be a high school graduate. That means I’m done, really done. That really scares me, although it’s a huge relief to know I’m finally done, it’s kind of stressful to think of leaving everything I’ve known for the past 12 years and to move to Baton Rouge and start all over again. It kind of makes me want to not move forward, but just stay in this moment just a little bit longer, to savor the feeling of being invincible and unstoppable. The feeling that you’re on top of the world and no one can hit you down because this is the moment you’ve been working for, the one that everyone knows you deserve and you try to soak it all up. The feeling of accomplishment and pride, knowing you made it although you thought about giving up several times along the way and you did it and it’s done. I can’t wait, but I terrified of what it’ll feel like. I can imagine the excitement in the moment when Dr Morgan says those famous words “I present to you Fontainebleau High School’s Graduating class of 2004” and at that moment, in that unspoken congratulations for your fellow and now former classmates, you all remove your caps and toss them as high as you can. You symbolize not only your excitement for yourself and your friends, but prove to the administration yet again that they have no power over and you’ll do what you want. Everyone watches 400 square red caps collide in midair, tassels falling off and flittering to the floor and you all sigh. You did it. And as gravity, yeah physics taught you a little something, pulls the celebration back down to the floor everyone scrambles to find their hat. Although it may seem like mass chaos, it’s the excitement that is so chaotic. Everyone can’t wait to leave the auditorium and remove the formal gowns. The focus is turned from the stage to the outside courtyard where everyone gathers and waits to congratulate the new graduates. More and more graduates meet with their friends outside and cameras are loaded. Pictures are taken with everyone that you want to remember and even those you hope to forget. It’s your last chance to document the people that you’ll always remember as your high school senior class and you don’t want to leave anyone out. Eventually everyone gets into their cars and makes plans to meet at a nearby restaurant to celebrate, the band packs up and traffic begins. But, as you drive away in your car with your cap and diploma in your hand I can only imagine the feeling of regret and sadness. I think that’s when it hits everyone that you’re no longer associated with those people that you sat next to just moments before. You’ve just officially put them in your past and now you have to move on to the future and I’m scared to find out what that feeling feels like..............
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| for what it's worth it was worth all the while |
| 03.17.04 (3:21 pm) [edit] |
3/2/2004
That’s how I see Sean and I. I don’t think this is wrong, or that it’s not something that was meant to be. I truly believe with all my heart that everything happens for a reason and it’s all a part of a plan that no one understands most of the time, but I think that there are times in our lives when things start to piece together and for just a split second, everything makes sense. Everything adds up and all the doubts and confusion that used to linger in your heart are swept away so that you can be given a slight breathe of hope that proves to you that everything really is going to be okay. I believe these moments are few and far between and only come when it’s absolutely necessary, when the doubts and confusion start to take over. Sean is great; everything is wonderful. He cares, more than any one else has ever cared for me. I guess that’s what scares me the most. Being with him makes me feel so special, timeless, amazing, beautiful, unique, and just all around loved and it scares me to think that he might be the only guy who ever cares for me like that.
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| right when you least expect it |
| 03.10.04 (3:21 pm) [edit] |
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I guess it's another one of those "life lessons" that everyone has to learn. That things will happen that you don't expect. Plans aren't set in stone and people will come into your life without warning and change everything, but that's the beauty of life. Waking up every morning and not knowing how the day will end. It seems at first to be more of an inconvience then a honor, but one day something amazing will happen. Something that you wouldn't have even been ready for even if you knew it was coming. But it'll be wonderful, one of those moments you wouldn't trade for the world because you start to realize that the best part about life isn't the organized pre-set side of it, but instead the part that you run into on the street one day or the one that's not your type. Those are the best moments, when you start to see how someting that's not what you expected ends up being everything you've always wanted.
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| it's definitely a play day |
| 03.07.04 (2:18 pm) [edit] |
today's a beautiful day. The sky is clear, the sun is out and the temperature is just right. It's wonderful. I think I'm going to take advantage of it, who knows when it'll be like this again.
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Audrey and I made plans to go to a VOODOO game one Sunday. It'll be a Copelands thing. Anyone who's off is welcome. I like working with people that are real, the kind you feel like you can talk to and trust. It's fun making plans to hang out outside of work, to know you have not just a coworker, but a friend. All of my hostess' are like that. I'm lucky. As Audrey said "we can get all cute and go watch football." I love her, she's timeless.
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Prom's approaching, there have been a few speed bumps, but I think things are getting better.
He wants to make it perfect for me, they both do. These guys are pretty special, I must admit.
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